Tuesday, February 24, 2009


You know what some people think gay people are?


They think we are after their children, to convert them to our perverted ways.

They think we shouldn't be in positions of authority because we will corrupt society.

Gay people cannot be teachers, politicians, doctors, social workers...etc.


The world is changing!

We are teachers,

We are lawyers,

We are politicians,

We are your doctors, your nurses, your child care providers, your police officers.

And we have not corrupted society in any way.

You know, if you think about it.

If the people in positions of power really did have an affect on society, then back in the 70's we all would have grown up and became nuns because weren't we all taught by nuns?

So if people in positions of authority have THAT much sway in how children are raised, none of us would have been gay because we were taught that was wrong.

I work with youth and not one of the youth I have worked with have ever gone from being hetero to being homo because of my influence on them.

As a matter of fact, I don't teach them that I am gay, or that gay is the way!

I had a young girl ask me the other day, "Soooo, are you a lesbian?"

And I replied, "No dear, I am a human being!"

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You Be the Judge

My good friend, George, wrote a blog on another site the other day that really made me think, and it inspired me.

It was about PDA (public displays of affection.)

For me, PDA has a whole 'nother meaning.

When I played hetero, it was okay to hold hands with a guy, it was okay to give him a kiss goodbye at work, to say, "Love you," in a crowd of people and to take him home to mom and dad.

Why do I get so much flack and looks of disdain when I do the same with my girlfriend?

Why is it not okay to hold my girlfriend's hand, give her a kiss in public, take her to a work function or take home to mom and dad?

My mom has been fine with meeting my girlfriends but most parents aren't.

I had one girlfriend who always held my hand in public, kissed me, introduced everyone to me as her girlfriend, she had no issues with that.

I had another girlfriend, who refused to hold hands in public, kiss in public and we had to pretend we were just good friends in front of her dad.

The first girlfriend I ever had, would not even come out of the closet.

I was always her "good friend."

Am I showing disrespect for those who care not to see my lifestyle?

I think not!

I think as long as people have eyes they can avert in another direction, we have the right to show our love to anyone we choose.

Years ago, a white woman could not be seen with a person of another race.

I think it's time that as a people, we stop judging people based on differences.

History and time have proven that such ignorance only causes violence and division.

I may not want to see men and women showing affection in public but if it bothered me, I have the choice to turn away.

The same as I have the choice to change the channel on TV if I do not like the show.

My mother thinks I am a bad parent for encouraging my son in his open gay lifestyle.

I am sorry, it is not a lifestyle, it is not a choice, it is a fact and part of his human makeup.

My son has the right to show affection for a boy, to have a facebook status that shows he is in a relationship with a boy, and he has the right to go to his prom with a boy and kiss him on the dance floor like all his hetero friends have the right to do.

I will never discourage my son from being himself and fighting for his human rights.

My mother thinks I am just setting him up for a beating or a killing.

My son says, "I would rather die because I am gay, than live and hide who I am."

I say, "Son, you are right, You have taught me a great lesson in life."

I didn't have the courage to come out of the closet until after he was born.

I went back in because my family told me that I would ruin my son's life.

My son came out when he was 11 or 12 and I was inspired to come back out again myself.

Of course, my lesbianism caused him to be gay, you know.

Oh well, as long as other people in the family don't have to worry about anything they ever did to make my son gay. It wouldn't be that he was just plain born that way?

Something I did must have traumatised him.

I actually had one man tell me that because I was a single mother who was strong and opinionated that it made my son gay.

Anyway, way off topic now.

So what do you think?

Are public displays of affection okay for gay people?

Are we being disrespectful to hetero people that are not comfortable with it?

Or does the disrespect lie elsewhere?

You be the judge!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Greatest Gift

Its been days!
A few days with nothing to do but think and reflect.
No outside influences.
No anger...well, a little bit, after all what is gay without drama?
On day 3, I sit and think about love!!
I ask myself, "What is love?"
I ask myself, "How do I know when I am loved?"
The answers became very clear to me...
To love, you have to give of yourself unequivocally.
Take down all your walls, let go of all your fears and open up to share your very existance.
Not to strip bare of your clothing, but to bare yourself to the very core!
To lay it all out in the open.
Share your greatest strengths and your greatest weaknesses, and not be afraid to do so.
The greatest gift you can ever give someone is to give them unconditonal love and acceptance and expect nothing in return.
So that is what I have done the last few days.
Doesn't seem like much but its huge for me.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Gay Drama

One thing I hear a lot that really bothers me is that there is so much drama in the gay world.
There is a lot of drama in the gay world but I am very quick to point out that there is just the same amount of drama in the hetero world too.
People break up, they cheat, they fight.
The gay world is a much smaller community so it travels faster and sometimes seems to hurt more.
When I was playing in the hetero world, I got hurt-but not nearly as much as I do in my openly gay world.
I have many theories as to why.
First of all, many of us gay people have been told a lot throughout our lives that what we are is unnatural, is wrong and should be hidden.
So when we do decide to come out and live our lives regardless of what others say, we take with us all the resentment and shame into our relationships.
For me, I become very emotionally unstable in my gay relationships because we give up so much in life to be true to ourselves and in the hetero world, not all of my heart was there.
People didn't have the power to hurt me like I can get hurt now.
The key for me is to be true to myself and to the people in my life.
Life can be so unfair sometimes that we tend to continue the unfairness in our relationships.
Sometimes we have been told so much that we are wrong in how we feel that we carry that over to the people we love.
Anyone who watches the L Word and has seen the chart can see how the gay world works.
Because so many people stay in the closet and are not true to how they feel, it makes our community small.
When I started dating a girl, lets call her Sally, she asked if I knew Loni, who is friends with Carrie, who hangs with my friend Kelly. Sally dated Loni, my ex girlfriend is friends with Carrie and Kelly, so the person I did not know at all because the focal point in my life and relationship.
Yeah, I know, confusing eh?
When I make a new relationship with anyone within the gay community, there are so many ties, to so many people that it becomes a tangled web.
Sally talks to her friend about her new relationship, who tells her friend, who goes to Sally's ex, who contacts my ex and the story becomes so poisened by then that ten people end up hurt over something that didn't happen. Or becomes hurt by what other people perceive to be happening.
So, yeah, there is a hell of a lot of drama in the gay lifestyle.
There is the same drama in the hetero life but it has so many more channels to go through and by the time it gets back, it doesn't matter anymore.
I don't like drama, but I love life and I love women so the drama will come with it.
The only thing I can do about it is change how I react to it and how I handle it.
The first time I had my heart broken by a woman I went back into the closet for many many years.
I am not prepared to hurt myself so much by doing that again.
My job now is to change how I act and react.
The only way to stay out of the drama is to not react to it.
We already are such a small community, we have to do everything in our power to maintain our friendships and relationships so as not to disturb the progress we have made.
We need to stick together and show the rest of the world that we are the same as them.
We will never progress fully until we accept ourselves as a community and grow and be proud, celebrate with each other instead of fueding.
My job right now is to accept myself for who I am and be able to accept all the rest of the world in the same way.
It's a new day!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


"You look old in that shirt!"
"You're a dork!"
"I noticed!"
"Must have been real tired when you wrote that!"
"What do you want from me!"
"What is your issue?"
"What are you on about now?"
"Your hair looks funny!"

Why do I feel unbeautiful?
Why did I feel unbeautiful?
It is hard to love yourself when the person you love cannot love anything other than the scar on your lip and the curve in your back.
When someone says they said they loved because they thought they were in love but doesn't know what love is.
The lies, the excuses and the words...
They cut deeper than any knife could.
I couldn't feel more pain if I stabbed myself.
You think you are a nice person?
Money and a car do not make you a good person.
Honesty and loyalty do.
As many times as I have been hurt in my lifetime, the beatings, the cheating, the violence...
It all seems trivial to the pain you have caused.
Good people do not do these things to people they care about.

Thank goodness, my beauty blossoms.
Even though I am bitter and trust will take time.
I have been given a gift.
The gift that someone does think I am beautiful.
That I am worth waiting for.
That no matter how badly I hurt now, they are willing to take away my pain.
Restore my faith.
Love me for who I am.
Walk beside me.

For all the damage you have done, you have not broken me.
The people that believe in me most, will stand behind and offer the arms of support.
You must feel a lot of pain for not having anything to believe in.
No values to rely on to guide you.
No semblance as to what love is and what love can do for you.
To not love yourself for who you could be.
For that, I pity you.

I will only be stronger, love better and become more beautiful!
You only have regret to look forward to.


My son has been lucky!
He has not encountered a whole lot of hate...yet.
I hope he never does.
I had begun to think the world was changing, we were advancing.
Although, we have changed somewhat, it wasn't as I thought.
A young gay boy cam inot our lives in this past year, he is like family here.
Reality struck for me when he would phone from his hometown and we could hear words like faggot, cocksucker and other derragatory comments being yelled in the background.
I was also very surprised when he told me that he is not allowed to change in the boys locker room at school because the "straight" boys feel uncomfortable.
Does this sound like we have progressed?
How would you feel if this were your child?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Come Out Wherever You Are

I am gay, loud and proud!

When I came out, a lot of people in my life said they didn't care if I was gay, just don't advertise it. Or they told me to make sure I didn't mention it in front of certain people.

Did I listen? No!

Some people don't understand why I feel the need to tell people I am gay, to put it on facebook, to kiss my girl in public.

I do it because that is who I am.

It doesn't matter to me if that makes some people uncomfortable.

People have been declaring their love for their mates since the beginning of time.

It should not make a difference if it grosses someone out or that they don't agree with it.

I get offended by a lot of things but that won't stop people from doing it!

I encourage my son to be open about himself, in school, at work, with his friends, anywhere!

My mom thinks I am setting him up for a good beating.

So far, my son has been accepted everywhere and has not had to deal with hate yet.


Because of the people before him that came out and opened the door for him.

I remember the controversy when the young boy wanted to take his boyfriend to the school prom. He took the school to court and arrived at his prom with his boyfriend on his arm.

That boy paved the way for homosexual students.

The more people that admit they are gay, the more it will be accepted in the future, we have come a long way already, we shouldn't stop until there is not a word like homosexuality, it will be called love no matter what sex you are with. That is what its about!

The gay people in San Fransisco made sure the world knew that there were many gay people in the world and that they were a force to be reckoned with.

When the Coors company refused to employ homosexuals in the 70's, all the gay people banded together and boycotted them. All the gay establishments refused to stock their products and any politicians that did not do the same, lost the gay support.

What that did, was show San Fransisco how much of the population was gay and how much of an influence they could make politically.

The majority of politicians pulled support from Coors and more and more businesses began hiring homosexuals. The biggest thing that happened was that a law was passed in that state that no person could be denied employment for their sexual orientation.

I have a friend who was fired from a job because her employer found out she was gay.

She took the company to court and won a settlement!!

Why is that important to me?

Because my son and I are guaranteed to be considered for any job we are qualified for.

My friend opened doors in this province and city because she refused to be discriminated against.

Homosexual people are not a minority! Come out and make yourselves known, get involved in issues as a gay person and show our governments and leaders that we are intelligent human beings that do make a difference when it comes time to vote.

If we all came together and weighed ourselves against the population, it would surprise a lot of people.

I took part in the PRIDE parade this year.

It was both a proud day and a sad day for me.

I was proud because even though it was pouring out, we still moved forward and showed our representation.

I was proud because so many youth got involved!

I was proud because the city police force did traffic control for us.

I was sad because some gay people chose not to attend.

I was sad because none of the city businesses took part in the parade to show support.

I was sad because none of the city politicians were there to show support.

We still have a long way to go before we can be called equals!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

No Pride?

I don't understand how some people refuse to show pride in who they are!

When I came out of the closet at 26 I felt so proud to declare who I was and what other people had to say did not bother me.

Mind you, I did go back in the closet but not out of shame, I did it because of a broken heart, I swore I would never date a woman again.

I just came back out this past year and again I feel no need to hide who I am.

I am proud to be able to hold a woman's hand or give her a kiss or hug in public.

Why should anyone be ashamed to show love?

It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like or what differences you have, all people should have the right to show their love in public!

I have a friend who refuses to have anything to do with pride.

She is openly gay but she does not mention it around her father because she feels it is showing him respect. What about her respect?

Her brother told her that he didn't care if she was gay but made her promise to never march in a parade. Why not?

Sure, some people feel uneasy about homosexuality but is it our job to make sure they feel comfortable? I think it's their job to face their fears and get used to us because people have been gay since the beginning of time and we will be here until the end of time.

I feel it has nothing to do with respect, it has to do with fear and ignorance.

When I have a girlfriend, I proudly introduce them to everyone in my life as my mate.

I had an argument with someone in my family, my neice asked me if my girlfriend was my best friend and I told her that she was my girlfriend, the same as her mommy and daddy and the person in my family felt it was wrong of me to say that.

I think the earlier that children know that people of the same sex do love each other, the sooner we can erase the hate.

I tell everyone that my son is gay too!

I am amazingly proud of him and his courage, why wouldn't I tell anyone?

Yes, I fear for him, from homophobics but it will never make me hinder his openness about who he is.

If I get beaten up for who I am then I only hope it serves to create more awareness.

Look at the two ladies who were beaten by a man outside a school, in front of their children.

It is horrible that these two women were beaten but it did raise awareness and compell people to stand up in outrage over what happened.

My wish is that someday, we all live harmoniously on Earth, whether we are gay, yellow, one-legged, too small, too tall, no matter what our differences are.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Got Milk?

I have been reading the biography of Harvey Milk, the first openly homosexual person to be elected to public office in California. The life and death of this politician and activist inspired me to be more active in the gay pride movement.
Because Milk's work in the gay community spurred me to start this blog, I feel compelled to dedicate my first writing to his work.
Many people, outside of California, had not heard of Harvey Milk until work began on the film, MILK, starring Sean Penn. Now many people are asking, "Who was this man and why is a film being made about him?" I have to admit, I had never heard of him myself until my son asked me about a year ago what my thoughts were about this man. He was astounded that as a gay rights activist and a lesbian that I had no idea who he was. The subject never came up again until I was watching a documentary on OUTtv about Harvey and I knocked on my son's bedroom door and told him he needed to come watch this amazing piece with me. It shows that I do not always pay close attention to what is being said to me, my son knew all about the man, the documentary, and the movie being released.
Milk was elected to the San Fransisco Board of Supervisors in 1978 and was largely responsible for the liberation and freedom of many homosexual people and was committed to making the world a peaceful harmonious place for ALL people. He was assisinated, along with San Fransisco mayor, George Moscone on November 27, 1978 by former Supervisor, Dan White, who was openly opposed to homosexuality.
I encourage all people to see the film and learn more about the man who was dubbed, "The Mayor of Castro Street." I also encourage people to put aside fears and prejudice and embrace all people regardless of differences.